The day you accept yourself fully, is the moment you are no longer affected by the judgement of others, good or bad.
It’s the day when you step into your freedom. When you are no longer affected by negative comments or in need of praises and approval.
Look, we all judge. You, me, that crazy bitch at work who’s always complaining. WE ALL DO IT. It’s our human way to compare ourselves with others so that we can establish our position in society, in our social hierarchy. The “higher” status we achieve in that hierarchy, the more confident and powerful we think we feel. So we compare ourselves with others and compare others with others through judgment to find our place in the world, to feel safe, to make ourselves feel better in the moment.
The problem with this is that we anchor our identity, our sense of “worth” to something outside of ourselves. To something volatile, ever-changing and unreliable: the opinion & ideas of others.
Not claiming that my approach is the best, but speaking from experience, when we turn inward and explore our being along with all its dimensions, we start to form a solid understanding of who we are.
"When you know who you are, no one can tell you who to be." - Jules
Discovering yourself comes with the challenge of accepting the imperfections, the weaknesses and the shame. And you cannot accept yourself deeply if you reject the parts of you that fuel your self-hatred. They are the most significant teachers in your quest for acceptance. Completely accepting yourself means to embrace the parts of yourself you struggle with and hide from others.
Maybe it’s the part of you that makes you self-sabotage your romantic relationships because all you’ve ever known was mistrust, uncertainty and pain growing up.
Or the parts that make you drink daily to numb yourself from the reality you refuse to face.
That shameful part that makes you hide your partner from your family & friends because he/she is the same sex as you.
We ALL have a difficult time accepting ourselves unconditionally. Yet, it’s the gateway to our freedom and independence.
Trust me, I know, loving yourself is hard. I’m still struggling with it and trying to find a process that relates to my personality and perceptive.
But even if full acceptance of oneself is hard at times, it’s a profoundly beautiful experience EVERY TIME. Because in that journey, you get to know yourself on such a deep level. And when you know who you are, NO ONE can tell you who to be.
NO ONE can influence how you feel about yourself, and that, to me, is total freedom.
You cannot accept what you don’t understand, so get to know yourself. Who are you? What are your core values? What do you stand for? What are your triggers? How are your triggers affecting your behaviour?
Understandmyself.com is a reliable & reputable personality assessment that has helped me the most. I’ve tried dozens of them, and this is by far the best
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Stop blaming the world and stop playing the victim. I did that for years, and it only makes everything worst. Take responsibility for your life. Maybe the way you turned out wasn’t your fault, we all have our past traumas. But who you show up to be is entirely your responsibility. Find pride and meaning in the ownership of yourself.
The day you stop growing is the day you die. Once you’re aware of the parts of yourself that jeopardize the future you want or keep you stuck in destructive patterns, embrace them, listen to what they have to tell you and work to make peace with them. This part is much easier when done with the help of a therapist, life coach or spiritual teacher. You’re too complex to figure yourself out on your own, and you don’t have to go through this process alone. Find a professional who is qualified to help. No shame in that. To this day, I’ve invested in professional help to get me unstuck, and I’m so dam grateful I did.
Keep doing the work. Keep searching for answers. Keep asking for help if you are stuck. Keep finding tools that nurture your growth.
Most importantly, surround yourself with compassionate individuals that encourage you on this journey towards self-discovery without inflicting judgment on you.
And if you don’t have anyone… I’d be honoured to be that person for you.